I have very vivid, loving memories of the first King of the Ring PPV in 1993, back yonder when they’d have the full tournament on the show and Bret Hart won that s*** without using his Sharpshooter for any wins. It was just a perfect wrestling run – he even bested Mr. Perfect in the brackets, in a face vs. face SummerSlam ‘91 rematch – that remains one of my favorite yesteryear wrasslin’ gems. Now King (and Queen) of the Ring is back for its umpteenth revival.
So can we trust it? Are we good this time? Is this The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King or The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies? Where one of the five armies is… wolves? Man, I’d take another pass on that war moniker. It sounds cool but I feel like giant wolves will just show up at your battle no matter what.
After the ‘93 PPV, King of the Ring stuck around for a good while, though with diminishing dividends over the years. Owen’s big KOTR victory a few years after was tremendous and then Stone Cold’s “Austin 3:16” win was a memorable one too (even though there were only three tournament matches on the PPV). Then it’s kind of a blur. Like, looking at past winners I’m reminded… Billy Gunn won? And Edge? It’s a haze.
And then it stopped being a PPV for over a decade and in the middle of that, somewhere, was King Booker (the true standout King of this century). Then a few years back Queen of the Ring became a thing and that was cool even though the tournament was small and the matches were freakin’ shorter than winner Zelina Vega. Who is three-feet tall with good posture and also being Ratatouille’d.
Here in the Triple Paul Era it seems like this s*** is being taken seriously again. And the players and brackets, spread out between Raw and SmackDown, are legit. The women too. It’s 16 wrestlers in each tournament and the final two matches also work as a default Raw vs. SmackDown deal. Love it. Some of the results come from weekend live events too. Nice.
Would it be cool if more than just the finals were the show? Of course. Would it also be awesome if WWE ended its monumentally unsavory two-PPVs-a-year deal with the GEA? Absolutely. But that s***’s apparently locked in until 2027. We do what we can. I’ve decided I can’t die on this hill. There are so many other hills I’ve promised my death to. So many. It’s like an unbearable amount of mounds. We’re not meant to know as much as we do. #philosophy
So what I’m going to do is give you my picks for King and Queen of the Ring 2024. Not who I think will win…who I want to win. Who I’d love to see win. Who I think is due a big accolade. And I already have to bob and weave a bit because, fittingly, my number one pick for a big win isn’t even in the tournament: Kevin Owens. A guy who I wish had gotten a chance to hold a second world championship. An underappreciated (though not underutilized) performer who can do it all. A guy who’s been fighting a mostly losing battle against Roman Reigns and the Bloodline for years. He should f***in’ take it all. Even if it was only because he’d look wonderfully preposterous in a crown and would own that slice of silliness.
And I get why he's not in the running, for the most part. These are giant balance sheets. It all has to even out and be (ft. Rob Thomas) smooth. The contenders have to make sense while also mostly representing people who won't win. Wrestlers who will take a loss. And if someone big loses there has to be shenanigans of some sort (or a big upset). Like, I’m already expecting Lashley to get taken out at the hands of Bloodline tomfoolery. Though, and this brings me to my actual picks, I’d love to see Lashley win. It’s always good to prop up new faces and push new stars, but it’s also rad to use this retro-concept, which is a touch antiquated even, to give an older superstar a benign banner of achievement. Lashley has also gotten lost in the shuffle, despite his high-level skills.
And if we’re looking to past WWE Champs, then Kofi Kingston would also feel right. If anything, it could be a long overdue apology for how he lost the title in the first place (while also honoring New Day, which never recovered from Big E’s injury). And it would be very satisfying to see him topple Gunther in the second round (provided Kofi gets past Rey).
To be fair though, Jey Uso and Gunther stand the best chances of reaching the finals from Raw. And on Smackdown, it will most likely be LA Knight or Styles. Sheamus losing to Gunther in the first round doesn't exactly spark hope for the Old Guard.
Queen of the Ring is trickier because we don’t know SmackDown’s side of the equation as of this column, but from RAW it would be amazing to see Zelina repeat. Or at least just get to the finals. However, it will likely be Iyo Sky or Lyra Valkyria. SmackDown has Tiffany Stratton though and she’s strapped to a rocket, so she’s the easy green here. And my pick.
Jade winning would be rad, if the tag champs can compete, but I'd keep her out of it right now. Nia Jax winning would be boring, but also understandable. Which is wrestling's most snoozy setting, just having lucid, lackluster storytelling.
Whatever the outcome, I look forward to this feeling more meaningful than it has for a long while. Levesque loves this s***. These old school gimmicks and events and awards. And he knows how to present them so that they’re a benefit to the individual and the industry.
My other favorite thing that’s happening in WWE right now is the long, drawn out Punk/McIntyre feud, which now has Drew on the shelf with an elbow injury. And it’s the same arm as Punk. This is the second injury now that’s both added logs to the fire while also inadvertently drawing this s*** out to a crazy degree. They’re going to have to keep this going for months now before they can have an actual match, which I am frothingly excited for while also realizing it will never live up to the hype as an actual match. So how do we keep this going? They can’t just keep missing each other on Raw, right?
Well, Drew needs to cut his hair and just start slowly morphing into Punk. Like as a Mega Me. And his wife needs to get done up like AJ Lee. And then they just pretend to be those two. This makes no sense whatsoever but it was a dream I had last week and I’m sticking with it. It was one of those slumber stories where you wake up and think it’s genius and that it tracks completely, when in reality it’s fresh, freaky nonsense that has no business being outside of your own head.
Anyhow, that’s the direction now. Drew Single White Straightedge’s Punk. It writes itself (it 100% does not do this it is dumb as hell).
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