As I type this first sentence with Dynamite on in the background, Okada is literally making his All Elite TV debut. Yes yes, as a part of the AEW roster (you pedantic poindexters). He’s gonna rescue Eddie Kingston from them damn Bucks! The Rainmaker is here and money’s falling from the rafters! The crowd is electric! Look at him go! He’s here to save the da… nope, he’s a heel. Welp. What a creep. It’s all being written out for you in real time. I hope you enjoyed this emotional hurly-burly. I now have heartburn and it’s Okada’s fault.
Not a bad Dynamite follow-up so far to a very strong Revolution PPV. AEW’s definitely taken more of a backseat during the Road to WrestleMania, but then again everything has. My family, my health (both mental and physical), my taxes, and even my crow army that I’ve been slowly amassing every day by putting peanuts all over my driveway. Sorry, my beloved corvus battalion, I’ve not forgotten you. I still require your services. Specifically for revenge.
By the way, anyone else love the Cole/McAfee pairing? It’s so loosey and goosey. Loosey-goosey, even. I enjoy any combo that allows for Cole to proudly don an ornate headdress of sprawling antlers while Pat calls him an a**hole to his face. Also, the choice to dig in and double down on Cole having some sort of antlers kink makes me want to binge-watch Hannibal with him.
As I get ready to attend SmackDown here in Dallas tomorrow for the big Cody & Seth/Rock & Roman in-ring showdown -- where Rock is surely going to call the crowd out for being hot hot cowboy trash (when he should really just insult everyone’s driving because Dallas drivers are the absolute bottom-barrel vehicle operators in all of creation) -- I’m checking back in with WWE so we can remain synced up with the big main event saga.
A few weeks back, I wrote that everything seemed pretty smooth now as long as we specifically forget the SmackDown from February 2. Nothing else was needed. No references needed to be made. It was kind of a clean and easy omission to make. And certainly not the biggest s*** we’ve ever had to mentally somersault around in order to make a wrestling storyline make sense. No one needed to address it. Especially in a promo. Especially in a video promo. Especially in a video promo lasting 21 minutes. That’s a full-ass sitcom folks, minus the commercials.
That’s the episode of Seinfeld where George’s dad brings back Festivus, Kramer goes back to work at H&H, Jerry dates a “two-face,” and George creates The Human Fund in order to get out of getting people gifts. All so The Rock could explain why February 2 happened. At least the small slice of my brain that contains completionist particles is somewhat satiated. After all, Rock mentioned how disheartened Cody looked when he left the ring that night, which has now become the seed that’s seemingly sprouted everything.
The Rock even called Pharoah a “goofy ass s**thead.” Which, to be fair, is fine. I know Cody, as well as much of the wrestling world, took exception to that but… honestly, folks. If you’re not absolutely ROASTING your own pet at every opportunity then wtf are you doing having a dopey, dependant, adorable animal in your domicile? I tell my cat five times a day I’m going to sell her and her wee walnut brain to the first traveling carnival that comes through town so they can charge two bits on the midway to see the dumbest fartface that ever lived. Learn how to communicate with your beloved furbabies, you freaks.
The Rock’s latest gimmick addition though is the big bad “I’m your boss” threat. It began at the ‘Mania Kickoff in Vegas but then it was back in a big way on SmackDown when he was trash-talking Seth. Do we think The Rock’s done after ‘Mania? After all, he does have other fish to fry and smaller, Oscar-bait style films to try his hand at. There’s his tequila and his XFL and his energy drink and his athletic gear and all the frankenparts that make up the Dwayne Johnson brand-o-rama.
But what if he became the new Vince? No, not by being an insane grotesquery of heinous sexual abuse, but by just being the new corporate villain. Like, a long-standing one. Like Cody vs. Rocky is the new Austin vs. Vince. He’s the new “Authority” and the one who can make life hell for the hero. Sure, he’s kind of doing that already but if he’s out and gone after the next four weeks then… well, where’s the fun in that?
And he wouldn’t even need to be on each week, obviously. Especially when he’s apparently available to cut How I Met Your Mother-length videos each week where he just berates dogs. Of course, Roman is going down hard at WrestleMania. But will Cody win both nights? Will he beat The Rock and Roman in the Night 1 tag match or lose first before beating Roman? Winning both nights would certainly get him more over, or as over, as Danielson was at ‘Mania 30. But losing to The Rock (Bloodline shenanigans, Seth could turn heel, etc.) before beating Roman could set us off on a much longer, rewarding Cody/Rock feud.
So we should think about how we’d like to see Cody win? Do we want him beating Roman clean, one on one? Or do we want to see the chaos of Bloodline Rules blow up in Roman’s face? I feel like you can’t dangle that carrot without using it. A Bloodline Rules match kind of needs to happen simply because, well, it was mentioned. It's like Chekhov's Bloodline Rules* match at this point. I mean, The Cherry Orchard is basically Chekhov's Bloodline anyhow.
*In which I remind y'all that Chekhov's Gun doesn't mean something at the beginning will come back at the end, only that what is presented is only what is necessary and holds meaning.
I suppose all of this, the dreaming of Rock carrying on as a GM-style villain long after ‘Mania, is a way of saying this story doesn’t end on Night 2. The Bloodline Cinematic Universe has been such an important ongoing thing that it can’t shut down in one night. The Rock is definitely going to wrest control of the group after Roman s**ts the bed (the table?), which means a Rock and Roman match is still called for. But will Cody and Roman, down the line, team up against The Rock? The Rock has come in like a wrecking ball. Like an f’n Thanos. And we may need a massive “On Your Left” moment to wipe him out.
KNEELIFT!
